Why i can't hate you.. I hate myself..

For this..
Why suma ni jadi kat aku?
Like seyesly dah dapat dreamguy kot
Well almost dream guy..
And it hit me when i think bout it..
Love can be everything kan?
Does he know that i'm hurt by what he does to me?
And here i thought u are the ray that i've longing for all this 25 years of living..
I know you're not gonna read this..
I know it damn well that you can can just throw away all our memories just like that.. You see, maybe it just 5 fucking days to you.. But it has been like my whole year.. Didn't i told you that you were almost my dream guy.. The episodes guy that i always craving to just drop dead in front of me.. Melampau gila ayat kan? But hey, i know i can't fine someone like you again.. A guy like you only come once in mylife.. That's why i want to take the chance of being with you.. Even for a moment.. Well maybe its too soon for you to find another girl to sit in your heart.. You said it yourself every year you'll have a different girl to be your test subjects.. I guess and i am one of them yang let my guard down for you.. I mean totally down.. Yang dah macam bagi satu hati yang memang dah retak2 and hoping you might have a super glue to put it back together.. Prevent it from breaking apart.. But instead you have shattered it all around and i got nothing.. It is empty i can't feel anymore.. I am moving on you know i get rid the one that should secure my future.. Yeah i get rid of him, i don't think i might have anybody.. If there's someone it should be you..

Crazy huh? What 5 days have been making me into.. I can't get over you yet.. You are the best thing that has happened to me.. You said do not wait for you.
Well, the truth is even if you dissapear.. I cant cheat on my ownself.. That is just so cruel, i have been living in this for so long.. Cheating my heart telling it will be ok eventually.. But naaa, it not..

Maybe for you i'm the same girl that you have known before, the storyline might be the same but the ending might not..
I am not most girl
U can not said that to me in 5 days
You cant exactly know me..
You know my biggest secret alright
But i have more to come

Now that you leave me..
And i left him
I have no where to go to
Maybe dreaming is the only thing that can recover this all for a second, but when i woke up.. It just shit all around me
Staring at my bb hoping for what pon i don't know..
Ada ke nak bbm? All this while pon only you and nini je..
Haha..

Macam banyak je lagi nak tulis
But my ipad were like soaking with my tears..
Kuatkan hati senyum suma tu.. Lakonan je.. This is the first time i feel like mmg putus gila.. Xley makan xley tdo.. Everything seems so wrong.. So this is what it felt to really love someone and that someone just dump you without even give you chance to prove yourself..

I still heart you stranger.. More than you'll ever think i am..